my attempt at leading a semi-normal life

maiqui_113 @ 2009-08-31T22:47:00

2009-08-31T16:23:54Z

Dear God,

Please give me focus.

Thank you,

Maiqui

time & confusion

2009-08-09T04:20:58Z

sometimes it really feels like i want to give up on this

and then i realize that i can't

because i'm all in

because i made my choice.

sometimes i feel like everything i do is useless

i guess it is

but it's all i can do.

so i'm sorry.

for everything.

maiqui_113 @ 2009-07-11T12:11:00

2009-07-11T04:14:07Z

my new life:

8am - wake up and study
1130am - leave for school
12-4pm - class
430pm - study in the lib
7pm - dinner
9pm-4am - study cases.

REPEAT.

i think the only thing worse than being lied to
is knowing you're being lied to.

maiqui_113 @ 2009-05-22T15:37:00

2009-05-22T07:42:19Z

I've been sitting here for hours
a burning image of you in my mind
finding comfort in what you say
but its not the same

I know you're worth the wait
and I cant explain what Im
going through inside
But I would turn away the world
just to have you here with me tonight

take your time
make sure that
everything feels right
it wont be easy
but im not afraid
you're so far away

we better start from scratch
its now or never
but we cant look back
I need you with me
for another day
you're so far away
yeah far away

Ive been sitting here forever
your voice is resonating in my mind
countless hours with you on the phone
and now im not alone
I know youre worth the wait
and I cant escape
what Im going through inside
but I would turn away the world
just to have you here with me tonight

I know theres no time left
for second chances
Still we're right despite
these circumstances
Youve changed me more than
you could ever know
So we will just hang on until tomorrow
so take my hand
dont ever let me go

maiqui_113 @ 2009-05-18T01:05:00

2009-05-17T17:09:34Z

I'm sick to my stomach. the crisis is me. the crisis is you. the point is insecurity. the answer is faith. hay.. vague. but its true. my heart's getting darker. I need love to lead me home.

cheese.

maiqui_113 @ 2009-05-18T00:58:00

2009-05-17T16:59:29Z

I'm one of the chosen few that went ahead and fell for you

maiqui_113 @ 2009-05-11T02:04:00

2009-05-11T16:55:58Z

shouldn't think about you, but i do.

all the freaking time.

and i can't seem to regret it.

maiqui_113 @ 2009-04-30T04:12:00

2009-04-29T20:15:17Z

"She looked at him with love in her eyes, but she feared the night ahead,feared her dreams. Her life was split. Both day and night were competing for her."

"The heaviest of burdens is therefore simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment."

maiqui_113 @ 2009-03-17T17:02:00

2009-03-17T09:04:40Z

parang i can't tell if i'm numb or not. parang i don't know if i WANT to be numb or not.

maybe it's the boredom.

maybe it's me.

can't stay here but i don't want to leave. UGH.

maiqui_113 @ 2009-03-11T18:30:00

2009-03-11T10:31:29Z

how many times can i break til i shatter?

maiqui_113 @ 2009-02-02T19:13:00

2009-02-02T11:14:14Z

wowww i hope i make it through the next few months. god give me strength.

maiqui_113 @ 2009-01-27T09:05:00

2009-01-27T01:13:01Z

yesterday was fun =) drives are fun... motorcycles are fun... food is fun... views are fun... laughing's fun =)

i loved getting away from the city and bumming =) everything about things here confuses me. i never know how to act or where to place myself, or when it's okay not to lie anymore. it's always a battle to balance the future with what i need from the present. being away kinda felt like running away, but i didn't really care. so i was running from the confusion, the doubt, the whole freakin situation, so what? someone said i should just face it and come to terms with what i know should happen. i can't yet e... part of me still hopes i'm strong enough to take what's being thrown.

so for now... when i can't handle it, i guess i just take a break and run for a bit.

maiqui_113 @ 2009-01-21T22:11:00

2009-01-21T14:11:44Z

doubt's a bitch.

maiqui_113 @ 2009-01-13T21:24:00

2009-01-13T13:28:23Z

so...

today was confusing.

because i don't know what i want to make of that thing that you wrote in my thing that i read. in a way i'd like to let go of the past, but i don't know if letting go of the past means letting go of you or letting go of the hurt and getting on with my life with you still in it. i'm leaning towards the second, but... i'm scared.

and now i don't know which of you i'm writing about. punyeta.

maiqui_113 @ 2009-01-11T14:32:00

2009-01-11T06:47:33Z

So long my luckless romance, my back is turned on you

maiqui_113 @ 2009-01-06T23:23:00

2009-01-06T15:24:28Z

i need.... SOMETHING. ugh.

maiqui_113 @ 2008-10-15T22:45:00

2008-10-15T14:49:08Z

me: hey dad, where's damar?
dad: i dunno. probably near dammest.

OMG. MY FATHER.

one more.

javi: manang, what's this?
me: a praying mantis.
javi: praying antis
martin: yoda.
me: what?
jaymi and martin: praying, ant is.
me: wow. that's like a whole sentence.

hay sabaw.

i exercised today. yurg. i miss being able to see you everyday =(

maiqui_113 @ 2008-10-05T19:37:00

2008-10-05T11:39:57Z

sometimes you make me

SO MAD.

maiqui_113 @ 2008-08-15T03:06:00

2008-08-14T19:06:51Z

caught between loneliness and emptiness.

maiqui_113 @ 2008-08-05T22:44:00

2008-08-05T14:46:01Z

if you let me run for long enough, you'll be surprised how far i get. what are you waiting for?

maiqui_113 @ 2008-08-03T23:05:00

2008-08-03T15:02:10Z

why?
why not?
why not bother?
why bother not?
why not bother bother?
bother not not why?
not bother why why?

oh my god. sabaw.

hakuna matatag! what a wonderful phrase. hakunana matatag... haha =) yay

shhh!!! ignore him. maybe he'll go away!

graphing love =) "kami parang static friction" "positive slope"

edsa =)

mathematics and engineering fun book. i want one. =(

weekends need to be longer. and i liked how this one played out =)

maiqui_113 @ 2008-07-20T14:26:00

2008-07-20T06:27:42Z

what happened to the maiqui that didn't care?

still here. surging forward whenever the opportune moment presents itself. hay.

maiqui_113 @ 2008-06-30T23:14:00

2008-06-30T15:15:29Z

i have not done anything...

but i am SO tired. god not this again please....

maiqui_113 @ 2008-05-14T16:48:00

2008-05-14T09:03:34Z

maybe this time you'll get some sense knocked into you -jesse

sorry nalang. i'm still mad. and i dunno if i'll get over it soon coz it's hurting a lot of people. i never pegged you as self-centered before. and just so you know, i stood by you through EVERYTHING. nice. ay nako. grr. sometimes i didn't know why i was making excuses for you. but i did anyway, because i love you. tama na though. this time you're on your own. its your mistake (and yes, as you will soon come to see, this IS a mistake). so i guess i'll watch you crash and burn. and be there after. i think you just maybe need to see what it's like to have no one saving your ass so you might MAYBE grow up. so you might MAYBE be more careful. i gave up so much for you na! URGH!!! it wasn't easy trying to be so responsible you know?

YOUR TURN. act your effing age.

____

in other happier funnier news. dusit buffet for the second time this month.

jaymi: the guy was making me angas
mom: who?
jaymi: this guy who was starting 5 of the other team. he was like, do you know who i am??? so i started laughing coz i was thinking 'uh, some indian dude?'
mom: jaymi! don't fight with them!
jaymi: i can take him
mom: he's DANGEROUS! they're TERRORISTS!
oh. my god.. hahahahahahhaha! racist much?

*hunchback walking along the road*
mom: javi look look! it's like in disney remember? the good guy in hunchback of notre dame!
*javi turns and shouts* punch buggy man!
sabay he punches mom's arm
it's mean but you can't really blame a 4 year old =)) no malice intended, he just got scared someone'd punch him first if not =))

maiqui_113 @ 2008-05-12T15:35:00

2008-05-12T07:41:47Z

just make sure you don't regret this. no holds barred this time. you and i have to talk. i love you BUT. there're so many things i can attach to that. it won't be right unless we change something. you and i, we're for life boy. but it isn't just the two of us okay? you're the one person i expect to be with til the day i freaking die, but other people matter too. repeat. OTHER PEOPLE MATTER TOO. you're part of me, but you're not all of me. you have to learn to share.